How can you increase your independent essay score? Simple. Development. Development. Development. Most independent essays score low because there is not enough specific information (details). Essays that score 4 and above have lots of supporting details, especially in the body paragraphs. Essays that score 4 or less have fewer details. Remember: Details (examples) support and develop your opinion. This is true of integrated essays as well. Those integrated essays that score above 4 have lots of details from the reading and the lecture. Those that score less than 4 are missing important details. Remember: Fewer details = a lack of language use = a lower score.
Why is development so important when writing a TOEFL essay? Because, as mentioned, development is directly related to language use. The more you develop a body paragraph, the more you demonstrate language use proficiency. Let's put it to the test. Look at this photo, then read the two passages that follow.
This is a photo of a woman in a dress and short hair. She has a necklace and is not smiling. She looks young. She is ready for a club or something.
Now read this passage.
In this black-and-white photograph, a poised young woman, probably a flapper, stares defiantly off screen with probing eyes. Around her slender neck hangs a string of exquisite pearls. She clutches them against her breast, pulling them down as if she herself were on a chain. Her deep black eyes, set against ivory skin, radiate confidence, a desire to tempt and be tempted. Where is she going in that sexy, shoulderless dress, that none-too subtle invitation? What is she thinking under that toss of naughty curls? We'll never know. One thing is for certain: the devil is in the details.
Which of these two passages would score higher? It's obvious, right? Development. Development. Development.
Want to learn development strategies for speaking and writing? It's all in the book.
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© Bruce Stirling 2010-2011
